on borrowed time

On Borrowed Time...
ever been in a situation where you wished you had one more day to either accomplish something or be with someone? mine just happened today...

SO, im supposed to be in perth now but guess what? im not! im still in singapore. let me tell you why. my mum and i was packing and were almost done, so at 6, we wanted to finish off and she couldnt find my passport!!! we turned over every single furniture, opened every drawer, peered into the deepest, the darkest and still no passport!!! so my mum thought she left it in her office and she panicked and took a cab down, but still no passport. in the end, we had to cancel our flight with thoughts of renewing my passport which would take weeks to get ready. finally, we FOUND it, actually she found it and guess where? amist all the chinese new year decor! my goodness, just cos its red, we misplaced it. win already la. honestly, i really wasnt ready to go back cos i just dont feel like im ready. i was actually glad to know that it might take a week to renew, but when she found it and booked the flight for tomorrow, i was abit dissapointed, but well, my study life has to go on. so im actually living on borrowed which turned out really well because today, i finally have the time to watch my ah-ma cook and learn some dishes and the rest of the day was spent with 'leen. which was good! damn im goin to miss her scoldin me all the time. well, life has to go on. so we shopped da whole day at city link, suntec and marina square. all is good and i finally found a good bag which i can use for school and stuff. so all's good!

well, i guess im not prepared to leave cos i have alot of issues yet to settle. for the operation, not all the pinkies have been sacrificed, some escaped. i want to go for the campus hub retreat and be part of it but i cant. i want to spend more time with you but i cant. i want to solve the grudge but i cant. i want to do so many things! but i cant! sigh. im sorry i just really cant. but now, i have come to terms with it and will settle when im back.

my prayer to you before i leave is that you'll be able to understand the true meaning of love and be loved. because if you love something or someone so much, esp when you believe and admit that you need them and they're the only one who make you feel like you want to be a better person, i really dont think that they could be let go so easily, unless you were lying. you have let go too easily. what happen to 'i'll do whatever it takes so that i can be with you and you'll never have to lie bout me again?' the opportunity was wide open for a conversation, but you just gave in. you just gave up. you just let go, again for the third time. you did not fight for what you love. so you never felt the pain of losing. no one should be ever called names like that, no one should ever be put down like that and i apologise on her behalf. but in the end, ten days have passed and you're still able to just live on without fighting for what you love. you almost had me and the thought of being in your arms again was almost so surreal. but it turned out that i found out more about you and im really glad it didnt work out because in the end, you would have just taken everything for granted. only now, we have truly come the the end of the road. i really pray that you'll understand love and find a love that you'll do anything to keep it close to you forever. exit.

it was a rather long and personal entry, but pray for me that i'll have God's angels to travel with me and stay safe in the plane till perth. God bless you guys and take care ya?